I waited so long to hear your voice,
Whispering in the dark calling my name.
When the stars shine,
When the moon light creates shadow,
I waited for you beneath the tree of our love
For how long I do not know!
I looked up the sky through the murmuring leaves
I found the leaves glittering and shining in the moon light
Its these moments when the time stops
And we wish it would never end
Time passed so fast
without even giving me time
to understand myself
what to expect from life
life itself answered this
no you can never expect
no you can never dream
yes the only thing you can do
is to hope for a new beginning
Time changed our relationship
time changed our understanding
but is it enough to let go,
of the time we spend together?
is it that easy to pretend
we didnt belong together?
as always i waited,
hoping that helm of time
will turn once again
once again to bring back
our dreams and our desires
Beautiful you are my love
Yet I fear your silence
Just tell me what you want to say
Just tell me something
I’m listening with all my heart
and I’ll always listen
For you I thrive, for you I survive
For you my love, my eternal bliss
Days of our love may never return
But for us my love, we have found our solace
What is that you hope
What is that you cherish
Tell me my love and I promise I will get it for you
I will thrash the sky and will bring you moonlight
I will break open the sea and
will make you the owner of glittering corals
I will do anything for you
Sight of freedom!
Oh! what a punishment it is
To think of u, to desire u
To be one with u
I did not realize….
World has torn us apart
That is the truth
But to abide by such monstrosity,
To kneel in the weight of such a commandment
That what makes me disgusting!
World has encircled us in its wilderness
But we have to break free from its chains
to struggle, to learn, to be ourselves!!!!!!!!!
“IN WONDERLAND”
I was attending class
when i dozed off
i dnt remember
but when i woke up
i was in "Wonderland of Alice"
even the grass hopper and caterpillar could talk
they asked me who i am
but i was confused
and could not answer who i am
i found friends and enemies
in the land of wonder
i was amused and was happy
when i smiled and opened my eyes
i found everyone staring at me
i realised i was still in the class
and Ma'm was asking where was I
i dnt knw what came up
and i replied "in wonder land"
Next thing i know
Laughter filled the whole class room
Everlasting Friendship
From the balcony of our hostel I surveyed the lonely path in front. It was through there that we went and came back from college. Now she has left me for ever. Never to return. Never to fight with me. Never to share my pains with me. Where has she gone?
A female with a bold face and beautiful smile entered the room. She walked and talked as if the whole world revolved round her. I realized with a shock that this female is going to be my room mate for the rest of my precious college life.
It was as if my horrors came into reality. She turned out to be exactly as I thought. We fought even for simple things. I tried to avoid her and reacted as if I didn’t exist.
But how this cruel hearted person turned out to be a true friend still I don’t know. She taught me the true meaning of friendship. It was from her I learned self respect, confidence and god knows what all. There was nothing that we didn’t share.
How can this world be so cruel? Why did she have to go from here? It was with her that I enjoyed my college life. The late night chats, the phone calls that we made, the long talks and the accounts in the canteen, the coffees made and the exam nights. Those memories will remain with me forever; never to fade; never to erase from my mind.
Along with her she took away not only my friendship but also the vibrant joy that surrounded her. I pray to God not to take away such a friendship from anyone ………………………………………………
Stranger
I searched your face in the crowd
But couldn’t find you
I called you hoping you would try to listen
But then again you didn’t
I remember your smile
your face, everything that makes you, you.
Every dream that surrounds you
Every life around you
It seems I’m attached to you
More than needed
I waited for you my entire life
But when I found you atlast
Solitude .........................................
The silence that prevailed brought with it
Many questions which remained unanswered for ever
In its ever lasting agony, a lonely figure cried from somewhere
None seem to care, no one wanted to know its pain
Its voice drowned in this cruel world
Can ever light pierce through the frightening darkness?
A shadow of ceaseless despair
Waiting for the untainted stream to purify its soul ………………….
Feeling trapped
Hai everyone!
“Standing on the edge and don’t knw wat else to give”…………………..….. words of Enrique Iglesias
Ever felt like u r trapped inside a body and its taking away everything u r? join the club people. I have been feling the same ting. dnt knw how long. I always wished I could go out at night and just roam around freely not being bothered about feeling that u r a female.
I was listening to Enrique’s music when I suddenly felt the urge to write something. I didn’t actually got the clear idea about what to write. But I realized I just formed a structure as to what I want to express through my words. But to make others go through the same feeling is what I find hard.
Yes, to begin. It’s a dream I had from my childhood to stand in the middle of the road and to feel the rush of the traffic on either side of u and to smile at the glitter of the lights that adore the shops of big City. I cant quite convey the sense of freedom that emanates from the dream. It is the feeling of being on the top of world. The feeling of conquering and being the King (hai queen in my case)!
Another one of my dream is standing on the edge of a cliff and looking down to find the bottom. Crazy I know still I wish to do that. If u for once don’t have to obey anyone and dnt have to care about others, then that moment is the most precious thing in once’s life. I always felt that human beings are trapped in their body since they cannot express their desires/wishes. They have to compromise everything for others. May be for the sake of others or may for shielding it from others. What kind of a life we live? A real question mark. But if u could come to the finish line, then every thing is worth it, don’t u think so. But to get there is the hardest part of our life. We strive till our last breath without even realizing whether we reached our destination.
“…………………………..
Dark sky seems to pour itself out
Like determined to end sadness deep buried inside
Rain drops, the slight breeze
Oh, the wonders of nature!
Ignorant to all these,
Stands the sky touching apartment blocks
Lights emitting from its windows
Confirms the lifelessness it holds
No one pausing near its sill
To watch the blazing downpour
Once again its time to hope
To return to the innocence which gave us birth
………………………………………..”
TRIP TO VENICE (of Kerala) As a child I always dreamt of leaving my house and staying at far away places for studies. The main reason for such a wild dreams is due to the fact that I was never able to visit anywhere (at that time I never realized I was a home sick person). I was never allowed to go to my friend’s house or my relative’s places for an overnight stay or beach or film theatre (defect of having an over protective father). Not that I was in jail, it’s just that there was no one to take me to these places as my father was always busy and I didn’t have much of such close relatives.
The only place I was allowed to visit was my cousin brother’s place (my mom’s sister’s place). I remember my stay back at their house with my second cousins or third (I still don’t have any idea). We used to sit on the front porch of the house at evenings and chat and also sometimes play antakshari. These sittings were usually called upon during load sheddings which quite increased the beauty of our gathering. There is a small temple in front of this house and also a huge Banyan tree and we could hear chants vibrating (I don’t think any other words will suit) from the temple. Also there is a railway cross after the temple adding on to the atmosphere around the temple. How I loved those days.
I was never allowed to visit a friends house and I still remember my fight with my father over this and he used to say u can go anywhere when u r old enough. I kinda waited for that day to come but it never did. Then for my studies first I had to go to Pala, Kottayam and then to Ernakulam. Still I was not old enough.
After third semester, we (me with ma friendz) were doing internship in an office in Ernakulam. One morning, I was arguing with my father for something (don’t remember wat) and he got angry and scolded me very badly. Later that day one of my friends invited me to her house and I called up my father to ask permission. Since he was trying to make good for the incident in the morning he told me to ask my mom and if she allows I can go (I reckon he was hoping mamma will say no). But fortunately mamma allowed and there I was packing my bag for my first trip to a friend’s house.
The journey itself was very funny. We somehow got into and occupied two seats in a transport bus and we were off to “ALLEPPEY” Venice of KERALA. We started out after 5 pm. Owing to the beautiful traffic of Ernakulum city, we were still in Ernakulum after 6.30 pm. Even though our parents started worrying, we were in truth enjoying the moment. We talked all the way and my friend was telling me a story she read in readers digest and it was fun.
We reached Alleppey around 8.30 and my friend’s parents were waiting for us in bus stand. There was some kind of festival in the temple and her parents took us through the decorated streets of the Alleppey. I still don’t have words to explain the beauty of that place and our excitement. We bought (if truth be told, we bargained) small earrings and some small things from the shop and I put “mehendi” in my hands and I also bought that soap water thingy from which bubbles came out when we blow. Her parents took us to a wonderful restaurant and we had (believe me) too much food and ice cream. Only thing which destroyed our enjoyment was the fact that battery of my mobile was down and we could not take any photographs to make it ever lasting.
After all this we went to her home. First thing we notice about the house is that it is a traditionally built Kerala house and inside of the house was decorated with bright colours. She showed me her room adorned with quotes she wrote herself on the walls. Her room has a balcony attached to it from where we can see a temple (a beautiful one too) surrounded by trees and the ground is filed with white small sand grains. This sight made me remember my old days at my cousin’s place. A kind of echo from past to this stunning and unbelievable present a dream fulfilled.
My journey only ended after an adventurous tour to Alleppey beach in the morning and a small talk with the local police about our art on the sand. And i returned home with an ever lasting memoryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…………………………..
A wondrous sight this snow in June
With perfume falling blooms caress my soul.
This heavy heart is lightened and I sing
Intoxicated by the rush of spring--------------------- Kadapaad
www.mikesjournal.com/
Blooming of my December mist
When I think back to those times passed I realize that what I remember most are just flashes, intriguing smells and stupid dreams (day dreams). There is nothing which can be “referred” as a memory. Nothing which has a starting and an end. Oh for god’s sake I can’t even remember a small conversation. My memories are flashes of some moments in my life (my walk past classrooms, trees which are decorations of my first school and of course faces of old friends)
One of my memories is about my first ever school. “Little flower”, name of a saint who is well known for her spirit and her generous loving nature, is the name of my first school. I always considered this school to be my only true school where I existed, where life began (though I been to two other schools). There used to be a tree in the front porch of the school and it formed significant part of the school. I still remember anxiously waiting for the bell to ring so that we could hurry to the tree and pick up the fruit falling from it during its blooming seasons
Its curious and illogical but I do have the capacity to remember certain unique smells. I can recognize some smells and connect it to my past. Smell of soil during first rains always take me back to my life as a little girl stuck inside house due to heavy raining and my little games with my sister. Other smell which I can identify are smell of jasmine flower and certain others which I can’t even name. Other part of my life was always filled with dreams and my imaginary world (really stupid I can say now).
To be truthful, a memory (image) which holds a definite and considerable part in my life is that of a plant, a creeper which grows near our front gate and covers up to the top of the shop near our gate. A special feature of this plant is that it blooms (small white flowers) only once in every year. When blooms, it gives the effect of snow resting on leaves after heavy snow fall. It always invites adoring looks from all passers by. I once saw a bus full of people staring at these flowers (Okay a little exaggeration but true in essence) but why this plant has so much effect on my life is that it blooms only on December (my birthday month). My parents usually made a great deal of my birthday. So as a child, I used to (still I do) start counting backwards from 1st of December And I used to consider (and truly) that these flowers were my birthday gifts from God and I wait for these flowers to bloom. I still remember my mother waking me up early morning to show me the wonderful sight of these flowers. It never failed me and I thank God every year when it flowers. I never missed the sight of these flowers from the window of the front room. I remember me and my mother going near this plant and shake it slightly so that some flowers fall and make a carpet of white flowers on the floor. I used to call the flowers “December poovu” (December flower) which later became December mist when one of my friends suggested this name.
My personal flower and a sweet memory still never fails to bloom and it awaits (as I consider) my return to my home on December for my birthday
